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| Image courtesy of Rasto Belan |
Compared to the unending woes
that often accompany being a woman, most men have it easy. They are the lucky
creatures. When men have a head cold, they get to call it the flu and get more
attention. Their clothes are cheaper even though they have extra rows of
stitching. They don’t have to wear g-strings.
Men are also luckier when it
comes to dating. Australia is in the midst of a man drought and there are
currently 100 000 more woman than men. All you men need to do to enter the
world of dating is give a quick flex of the muscles and compliment a woman on
her shoes.
Despite the many advantages
men have over their female counterparts in the world of dating, sometimes we
all need a little help. Just because there are a lot more women does not mean
that they can be easy to find, lure and bait.
So here is a hot tip if you
find yourself in need of a little help. All you need is a good pair of walking
shoes (Note, crocs do not count. There is never ever a time in your life when
crocs are acceptable), a non-scary looking dog and your best smile. Chicks love
small animals that are cute and adorable, especially puppies. In fact, mostly
puppies and these adorable little four legged creatures can be a wonderful way
to strike up conversations with women.
It all boils down to the fact
that women were once designed to have children and only have children. Now they have a whole list of other things we
can choose to do with our life instead, we no longer feel the need to live our
lives bearing children. Yet, it is still in our DNA to be clucky and in this
day and age it is more socially acceptable and indeed more fun, to be clucky
towards puppies than it is babies. Plus puppies are just way cuter - Why do all
babies look like potatoes may I ask?
If you can borrow a puppy,
then put on your manliest deodorant and start pounding the pavement. Be gracious as hordes of woman stop to pat
your puppy (or the puppy of someone else. But who cares who owns it, I’m pretty
sure the devil is not in the details) and take the opportunity to strike up a
conversation. Please try not to be distracted by the show of boobies belonging
to the bended women but I get that men are men and sometimes you can’t help it.
Just try not to get caught looking, for the love of god.
The art of conversation is
something that you don’t need to have mastered. Remember you have a cute and
adorable puppy. If you get stuck for things to talk to the woman about,
remember, you have a puppy. Make the little blighter work for his free
afternoon outing. Cute does not equal free stuff in the canine world and the
puppy needs to learn this sooner in life rather than later so really you are
doing it a favour.
So where to walk your
borrowed ball of woman attractor? Beaches, lakes and parks are going to be your
best bet. The women found in these areas love the outdoors and that is usually
linked to a love of animals. Also strips of cafes and restaurants are a good
choice. There is bound to be a plethora of woman here so take advantage of it.
On the other hand, pacing
outside gyms makes you look a little odd and most pubs are not dog friendly and
not really the first choice for self-respecting women to congregate. Keep it
simple and go where the women go.
The other thing to keep in
mind if you cannot obtain a puppy is that the type of animal you choose to
harness up for a walk is something to consider carefully. Whilst ferrets look
like harmless fur balls of fun, rub them the wrong way and you’ll discover that
they have the soul of a rabid Pitbull.
Crocodiles are another no no.
I’m not sure if it’s even legal to take one for a walk but if you did, you
would most likely attract the curiosity of small children and the local police
more than you would any potential dating partner.
Trust me, cats do not do well
on walks either. The stubborn little loveless blighters tend to collapse and
fake their own death rather than be taken for a walk and unless you are trying
to look like a fool, do not walk a cat in public.
So really it only leaves us
with puppies. The babies of our best friends are your best bet to find some
real puppy love.
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